Tears Are Healing 😢

Lots of the head art only lasted the night and has worn off. l feel so ugly and gross.

Even worse with all these cold sores and now my boob has an indent that’s so visible to the human eye.

It makes me feel sad that I won’t ever be just how I was when I was born without all these new holes and cuts and dents in my body.

My paint got extra chips I wasn’t expecting in the ICU over the last week. Before cancer, I had one scar on my knee. It is barely noticeable and non offensive.

Now, I have lots.

Once I have hair I’ll probably “get over” what my body looks like. No one really sees it anyways and it’s what has to be because of this cancer but it doesn’t change how sad I am about it

I just feel ugly and sad and it’s ok to feel sad. My body and I have been through a lot. And, we will accept it after we are done feeling all the feels about it.

I know I am not ugly and it’s what’s on the inside that really matters. Right now I’m just grieving and this too shall pass.

The day will come that I’ll find beauty in the new scars and they will tell the story of what I’ve been though. The day will come that I’ll look at them and be thankful that I’m alive and they were part of the roadmap to help me still be here. It will. I know that to be true. But, I’m not about to skate over the pain and pretend it isn’t there first. I’ll confront that pain so I can move forward without it. TIR will help me, telling you here helps me and crying my tears until there aren’t any more help me.

Thank you for helping me. Thank you for being here for all of it, not just the frosting. I love you, friends. xox