And So It Begins ...
It’s about a week before Christmas 2023 – the time I would usually be baking, wrapping, and pretending I like Christmas a little to try and get me through the holiday season 🤪 Like many of my clients, Christmas is triggering as heck for me. This year is different, I’m baking, wrapping, and wondering “is this the last time I have Christmas?” I’ve found a lump and it hurts like a middle of the night toe stub. I also feel a “rope” under my skin and wonder if Kalvin (my new puppy) has stuffed one of his chew toys inside my breast without me knowing. I can’t see a hole and he looks innocent so I begrudgingly go see Kristy, the nurse practitioner. I’m thinking she’s going to tell me she’s found the hole and she’ll grab his toy and give me an antibiotic and I can go home and feel better in 24 hours. She gave me a different message, I blocked out some of what she said. I was pretty happy with myself though because I at least noticed I did it. For all of you I just lost, it’s called dissociation and when we are shocked or experiencing trauma it’s kind of common.
She was using words like concern, and dimpling of the skin, and abnormal, and urgent. She felt the rope too. She also felt it in my rib and armpit. Fricknuggets. A lump, a rope, and Christmas. How does it get any better than that? C’mon. I’ve experienced so much Christmas trauma, but we will save that old news for another day. I don’t want to get side tracked here and start talking about the whole elephant-sized dark chocolate bunny, I can’t eat that all in one day. So, let me tell them what happened.
Kristy said something like, “I’ll send you for an ultrasound and mammogram and they’ll call pretty quick, you’re young and they’ll see you soon.”
So, I leave there and go for my retail therapy appointment over at the Local Maker and head out for lunch with my friends. But, they’re not just my friends –they started as my old lady gym friends and I quickly realized they’re the lifetime kind. Some people are on your path for a reason, some people are on your path for a season, and some people are on your path for a lifetime. Heather and Anne are on my path every season, no matter the reason. If you are ever lucky enough to have friends like this, cherish them because they’re the lifetime kind. The ones who don’t leave when shit gets runny, or a dog chew toy may or may not be stuck in your boob. So, I fill them in and one says oh shit a little loudly.
Tests get scheduled for January 2nd. I convince myself it’s nothing to worry about for now and get back to Christmas. Only it’s so much more relaxed than other years. I’m out sharing a mother-daughter day with Kylee, filled with pedicures, and new Christmas shirts so we can….match the cream cable knit we bought the dog….. because not only do I potentially have his chew rope implanted in my boob, I’ve possibly gone insane in the dog department.
