Dilemmas... I Think Not!
I got to spend the morning with Craig. I love mornings with Craig. I learn lots about me in my sessions with Craig. Today, my session was unblocking and the question I have been working on for months is about dilemmas. I have realized so many things I keep coming back to this same question about dilemmas and getting new and interesting nuggets. I love that I’m never rushed to move on from a question, it gives me so much space to learn about me!
As I feel my end point emerging, I realize an awful lot. Mostly about how much choice I have around dilemma.
“No one talks about the truth around this whole cancer thing and it’s a big dilemma”. This has been my recent story. Here’s the thing folks, although no one prepared me for the fact that my vagina would burn when I pee, that my mouth would have painful sores, that my sense of taste would totally disappear, that my sense of smell would be heightened (please don’t think I won’t notice your tiny little toot!) , or that my head would hurt and that my hair falling out would be terribly traumatizing even though it was already shaved…just because ‘no one told me that I would need to force food 6/7 days a week so I stay nourished, that my nose would bleed on my pillow each night, that my body fluids would be toxic and it would cause me to feel like a bag of contaminated trash, that my skin would become dry….just because nothing could prepare me for any of this dilemma does not mean I can’t at least try to prepare others. Cancer stinks. I mean they walk around with shirts that say F%*! Cancer! I don’t know shoot you, but I’d much prefer a shirt that says “cancer is currently making my vagina hurt” that would be more helpful.
The truth is, It wreaks havoc on the whole body. AND, I’m here to talk about it. These things are bigger dilemmas when they aren’t spoken about! Many things are bigger dilemmas when they aren’t spoken about. All of my mornings with Craig over all these years have taught me nothing needs to be not spoken about. I’m safe to say anything. Weird, whacky, wild, unfiltered ANYTHING! I might be talking about my burning sandpaper vagina one minute and some hidden family secret the next. I might be angry, I might be snorting blood out of my nose, even I never know how I’ll show up but I know none of it’s a dilemma.
I have no idea why my vagina feels like a shrivelled up raisin and why I’m now afraid to pee. But there is the truth. It sucks. And, I’m here to talk about it… the lessons and the truth. To shine a light in dark places, to do my best to share the dilemmas as open as they are. Now, if I can get myself a cancer is making my vagina hurt shirt commissioned for Thursday, I’ll be all set. I have places to go and people to talk to. Kylee has been running a campaign called “spreading hope and healing one thread at a time” she’s been making shirts, hats and water bottles to be able to help people in need. I’m really excited that I can carry this message of spreading hope and healing one hat at a time. One of your deliveries has arrived on the step of work yesterday. I think it was from my Auntie Fran, but since I can’t track other peoples orders for delivery it’s hard to know! I hope none of the orders end to over at the neighbours. She’s a little cranky. Send her love, I’ve been doing it for 6 years and it hasn’t helped yet, but maybe if you all join me it’ll be extra obvious!
I’m so thankful for your love! 💕 thank you for being here, and for spreading hope and healing with me! I love you, friends! xox
