Update From the Couch!
Hey friends! It’s been awhile since I spent some time writing to you. Those weeks without chemo were priceless. My friend Shelby offered me the most beautiful woman’s circle healing ceremony. My friends gathered as I snuggled in to this beautiful nest Shelby created for me. I’m this experience I realized I don’t often enough tell people how I feel about them. At times during this ceremony it felt as if o was at my own funeral hearing the things people might say about me. It was a very emotional experience, one I wish everyone could have… and not at their funeral. This is a memory that is forever with me. It was such a special time.
I packed this week with so much fun! We had TIR follow up on Wednesday night and a girls day on Friday and Saturday to support a new local business, and some existing ones too! We shared time and love. My TIR family is so special to me!
I saw a client on Friday and my heart exploded a little. She came with henna too. The love I receive has been so overwhelming. After opening a thoughtful card and gift of heart shaped pasta, sauce from the kitchen of love and an alabaster stone this lovely woman says I have one more thing to show you as she pulls her sleeve to reveal her Doors To Healing henna. I could feel the emotion bubbling up in me. As she tells me how this henna gives her a chance to tell people about my journey and my business I breathe in the feelings surrounding me. I breathe in the love. I am so thankful for all of the support on my path and the beautiful ways it shows up for me.
As the week goes on and it gets closer to treatment day, I feel my energy shift. I’m tired, and feel full of dread for Thursday. I hear my words “I hate that place” “I am sick of being pumped full of chemicals”
Anne picks me up for my doctors appointment with the oncologist and I feel defeated. It takes every ounce of strength I have to make that drive down Walker Road. My body trembling with angst, my tears free flowing. I get a few sparks of joy when we can give away a hat. But, I hate the place. Nothing changes that.
At the dr appointment today good news came. The results from the genetic testing show that this breast cancer is NOT GENETIC! Which means Kylee isn’t at any greater risk than any other woman. I feel relieved. I can’t wait to tell her, knowing she will breathe easier. So, this breast cancer was just a fluke, a stroke of bad luck. I’ll take being a loser so my kids don’t have to worry. I’ll take that any day of the week.
Another piece of good news came. The tumour has shrunk to 1.1 cm! The doctor was happy and so am I. Let’s get this over with! My body is responding well and I continue to talk to it. My body is ready for this to be over but for now, our job is to stay healthy and keep positive as we navigate what’s behind this cancer door. I snuggle under my blanket from Tracy. With her gentle reminder that life has flaws, and as I settle in I know I can handle it.
I was happy my boys got to do something fun today and go to the NFl Draft. They love football 🏈
Heather took me to chemo on Thursday and I was so tired. I slept a little in the chair and could feel myself dosing off on the drive home. Once home, I slept all afternoon and night and then lost the next 3 days to the couch and my bed and here I am. Ready to take on a slower than usual week. I have lots of planned rest and Kalvin and kid snuggles. In another day or so I’ll probably feel more like me, with more energy and more appetite. I haven’t been up to getting out and my talented Kylee did my head art this week! I love her creativity and her I can do anything spirit! She’s my always girl. Always there 💗 When she was 6 and we were going through some big life changes, she reminded me that I can do anything I set my mind to. Her little voice reminds me even on the hardest days. I hope my little princess always knows the same. She can do ANYTHING she desires. Absolutely anything.
Life truly is a game of mind over matter. One foot in front of the other. One moment at a time. The struggle won’t last forever. You can do anything you put your mind to friends. You can be anything you put your mind to friends. Go enjoy the moments you have! I love you all! xox Amie
